'A good traveller has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving' (Lao Tzu)
Good morning everyone.
i just read this quote on a site i found by just hopping from one to the other, following the tread of inspiring words and views on life. isn't that the very same pattern of life itself..... like a drop of water carving its way through sand and earth and moss and stones, a journey of sinking in and surfacing.... so are we pulled forward by gravity and longing to move and be.... somewhere, somehow. i don't know if there is many more 'outlines' for what human life is 'supposed' to be...?
reading some of the above mentioned sites, i started connecting with my own fire, a desire to put in words what i have felt for such a long part of my life. i am very skilled in adapting myself. i remember, as a child, the sensation of observing how people act, and how i would naturally blend in with them.... which made it possible for me to be part of different groups without really belonging to just one. a cameleon-skill.
part of my life for the last years has been to let these different 'flows' of focus slowly converge, so i can gather myself in something like a river, with a more steady course. i am still pretty good in translating myself into well-known territory, adapting the picture of my inner experience into a language that is recognisable and 'fits in'. which is a skill again.
but now i see into my life and realise that i can be me. i don't have to effort to pour my substance into a well-known shape.
i'm a nomad in my very own way. my longing is for the Source. i have never known where i'm going but i learned how to walk by putting one foot after the other on the ground. i have no map but an inner resonance of subtle knowing is my compass. every question is a gate to new land, broader views and deeper experiences. what is it to be human, what is possible in a human life? i think that there are very very very few limits to who we are and what is possible. but the way is a slow way. even though we might travel with the speed of a rollercoaster, still it takes many years to make some small distance in the universe.
there seems to be a mainstream lifestyle, and alternative ways. but often i feel i fall even between the gaps of both. because the so-called alternatives are already some kind of agreed upon trails, they have some kinds of route marking and 'supposed to be's'. at least from where i am looking. walking without trail is the biggest relief for me. 'without' in the sense of: this is me, little drop of water carving my way, simply by surrendering to gravity and longing. to the deepest discovered layer of longing, in every moment. it's like mining: there is always deeper to go. i say simply because it's so simple, yet, i have felt that it takes a massive work and awareness of un-learning and longing to move. i have felt that, at least for some years during my twenties, i spent a lot of time on the un-learning of what i don't need. i feel that we're born with the major amount of potential that we really need as a human: creativity, awareness and motivation are maybe major skills to be fed and stimulated by our grown-up surroundings. it's like software development without stuffing the 'computer' with endless information on the way. let's add discernment, and connection. and off course there is practical skills to be learned.
i have felt for the last years that my home is where i am. so yes, i am travelling. but i'm living here. not to come, see and conquer. but because this is my place to be, blend, watch and take part. for now. i'm merely living. surfing Life, following Life, learning from Life.
i read in a Zen-book that we are just like a door in the universe. when we breathe, the door opens one way and then the other, over and over again. one way, the other. one way, the other.
moving slowly through the rabbit hole,
sincerely,
Sarah
ps let yourself be inspired. on http://www.soultravelers3.com/ you can find many links to similar sites of people shaping their lives in their own way. just like each of us.
love.
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